Things Other Women Have Said to Me

• Some people just aren’t as approachable as others. You understand, you have Resting Bitch Face.

• Yeah, you look young now, but that shit’s going to drop like a bomb at some point.

• Hey, you got your hair cut! They really messed up the side, didn’t they?

• You know, if you’re going to wear lipstick that bright, you could really benefit from some blush. You look like an 80′s prom ghost.

• I remember when you used to dress normal.

• You look like Ashlee Simpson. Pre-nose job, of course.

• Congratulations on eating an adult portion of your sandwich. You almost finished the whole thing!

• I’m really glad you don’t have bangs anymore.

• He’s pretty attractive. You’ll probably have to join a gym to keep up with that.

• That pixie cut made you look like Justin Bieber.

• Remember when you had that mullet? No? Well, I do.