Publications

Guys, I know. There should be more of these. I'm 31 and devoid of hobbies, what else do I have to do with my time? I already made my cat her own Instagram (@TotalMaehem, check it out, I post almost never) and I'm still avoiding organizing my closet, so I have more free time than the post-season Chicago Bears.* I'm working on it, I (mostly)^ promise.

*(Accurate at the time I wrote this.)

^(I mean, sometimes you just want to watch Gossip Girl and eat snacks in bed, ya know?)

 
 
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How I'm surviving my 30s as a woman with Tourette Syndrome

Life with Tourette Syndrome can be grueling. A misfire in your brain makes you lose control of your body, and learning to cope with both the physical and social discomfort that surrounds the disorder is a lifelong challenge. Tourette's is shrouded in misconceptions, and this essay strips away the social stigma of such a visible disorder while seeing the funny side of every tic and twitch.

 

Demons

"Demons" is a prose poem published in the Women's Day Issue of Sheriff Nottingham which discusses the inextricable impact personal history has on the present self and the strange difficulty of reconciling lingering pain with the desire to trust in a new relationship. Told in the second-person, "Demons" offers a relatable narrative of fear-- of what has happened, of how it has changed you-- and how to separate yourself from the past and embrace the future.

 
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Drinking Games for Long-Term Couples

Yeah, this piece is pretty self-explanatory. Here's a brief excerpt:

"Two drinks for talking about getting a puppy and then deciding you’ll just wait until you have a yard.

Drink a beer every time your significant other tells you a story lasting longer than five minutes with no discernable point. Three drinks per each additional minute."

 
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Listen Up, Men of the Internet. We're Coming for You.

The internet is rife with stereotypes of women. We're crazy. We're clingy. We'll kill your dog if you smile at that cute cashier and slash your tires for forgetting our favorite mustard. That old story. But we can't all be that bad, can we? Well, we're here to tell you that you were right. It's all true and part of the Female Conspiracy™, and you all better watch your backs. Bitches be crazy and we attack at dawn. You've been warned.