A Comprehensive List of My Superpowers

• Pouring myself a cup of coffee and then forgetting about it

• Reheating that cup of coffee and then forgetting about it again

• Taking my socks off in my sleep and only losing the cute ones

• Wearing mismatched socks

• Getting cheese on my pants

• Buying plants and then killing said plants

• Forgetting about said dead plants until they turn into powder

• Buying small baskets and having nowhere to put them

• Identifying Shakira songs

• Pointing out discrepancies between the Harry Potter books and movies

• Getting defensive when met with lack of enthusiasm about discrepancies between the Harry Potter books and movies

• Finding ways to work my cat into conversations

• Choosing the most problematic line at the grocery store

• Internally debating if yelling fashion-related compliments out a car window counts as catcalling

• Refraining from pulling over to ask her where she got those bomb ass boots

• Getting drunk and telling my boyfriend how much I love him in exhausting detail

• Ignoring the fact that he is already sleeping while I am drunk and telling him how much I love him

• Getting lost in parking lots

• Sneezing